John Ternus Named Apple CEO, Succeeds Tim Cook

Unicorn Computer doing the Lord’s work: a papal conclave parody for the Tim Cook succession story that’s been doing the rounds.

A thin column of white smoke was seen rising from the central courtyard of Apple Park shortly before 9 a.m. on Monday. Minutes later, Apple confirmed that hardware chief John Ternus would replace Tim Cook as chief executive, effective immediately.

“It’s my turn, to think different.” Ternus 1:1.